Scientist have found the well preserved bones of what is thought to be the first Democrat! Homo Optical Rectumitus.

Please select from the following options menu:

• If you are  obsessive-compulsive, press 1  repeatedly.
• If you are  co-dependent,  please ask someone to press 2 for you.
• If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
• If you are  paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
• If you are  delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
• If you are  schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.
• If you are  manic-depressive, hang up. It  doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
• If you are  dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
• If you are  bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.
• If you have  short-term   memory loss ,  press 9.
• If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
• If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
• If you have  low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
• If you are  menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
• If  you are blond, don’t press any buttons. You’ll just mess it up.

I can’t even fathom how you’d accidentally sue yourself.

This is your tax dollars at work folks!

OK. I’m from the South, and I want to know how this turns out!

Another study by the American Medical Association indicated that the average American consumes approximately 22 gallons of Alcohol a year.

This means that the average American gets 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be an American!!!

It’s getting ugly folks!

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.   (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says “Thanks a lot” – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome” … that will bring on a “whatever”).

(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying %^$# YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about